Woman Smiling

Are you being selfish?

There is a fine line between taking care of yourself and being selfish in your relationship.  Most people have erected vast walls to protect themselves.  This is especially true in the gay community where many of us have been victims of bullying, external and our own internalized homophobia.  Often we feel like we can’t let down our guards completely, even in a committed relationship, lest we get hurt.

Unfortunately, this subconscious urge to protect ourselves will get in the way of our ability to connect with our significant other.  It stops us from giving ourselves completely to them, caring for them, and tending to their needs above our own.  It stops us from growing into the person and partner we were meant to become, someone who is giving, loving, and selfless.  It stops us from growing into a person who can not only completely give of themselves but can also fully appreciate and receive the love and gifts life gives them.  By becoming less selfish, you give and receive all the magic life has to offer.

This sounds great, right?  But how does it actually work in your relationship?  What if the person you are with just takes and takes and never becomes your selfless counterpart? 

You deserve to be treated well and so does your significant other.  By treated her like the most important thing in your life (she is, isn’t she?), forgiving her faults, and nurturing her dreams you allow her a safe haven to grow and become a selfless partner to you.  Allow her to bring the best out in you and you will naturally bring the best out in her. 

But…if your significant other doesn’t get the message, is mean, hurtful, or abusive, then take your love and find someone who will reciprocate.  Don’t stay in a toxic relationship!   There are plenty of wonderful women out there who would adore a woman that treated them with this level of love and respect.  Once word gets out, you will have no problem finding the right woman!

Below are 3 exercises that you can start today to reprogram your subconscious and become the wonderful person you are meant to be:

Exercise 1:

          Practice accepting faults and forgiveness by taking 3 things this week that irritate you about your significant other and let them go, never to be brought back up.  Practice with minor issues first (like she forgot to take out the mail).  If you have trouble letting it go, tell yourself that you forgive and accept your partner for doing/saying/being _________.   Don’t tell her you’re doing this or point out the issue to her.  This is an exercise for you.

Exercise 2:

          Practice being selfless by doing 3 things for your significant other this week that you wouldn’t normally do (ex. the laundry or making dinner).  When you do each chore, just tell your significant other that you noticed she was busy or tired and wanted to help out.

Exercise 3:

          Practice giving by surprising your significant other with something special.  This could be a gift (ex. earrings, flowers) or deed (ex. special dinner).  Do something that is romantic and out of the ordinary.  If she asks, “Why?” tell her because she is an amazing and you are thankful for her every day. 

These 3 exercises may seem like a lot, but commit to doing all 3 every week for a month.  You will be surprised by how magical your life will become in those 30 days.  It’s a joy to give to your significant other and watch them light up when you make them feel special and loved.  After a month you will enjoy it so much that you’ll keep doing it.

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