Lesbian Couple

Create Deeper Connection with Your Butch Honey! Relationship Advice from a Butch to a Femme

Lesbian CoupleAs a butch woman I have a few things to say to all you wonder feminine women that love us.  First, thank you.  You make us feel loved, adored, and perfect just the way we are and that’s nice ☺  Too often our culture kicks the crap out of people who are different – who look different, act different, or speak different.  Butch women often do all of the above and pay the price for it.  But you make us feel safe and loved.

Second, while you show us lots of love, I want you to know that butch women need different types of love.  Feminine women want to be cherished, romanced, and to feel secure.  Butches like feeling this kind of love but what really drives us and makes us feel like a million bucks is to be respected, depended on, opened up to, and needed.  We want to be your knight in shining armor.

When you depend on your butch woman and let her know that you need her, she’ll show a side of herself that you only imagined in your wildest dreams.  We thrive on helping you, whether it’s carrying in the groceries or fixing stuff around the house.  We know you can do it yourself – you’re a strong, independent woman – that’s why we love it so much when you ask us to do it for you.  It means that you respect us and you want us to take care of you.  You want us to make your life better.  You want us to make your life more comfortable.  We love being able to be of service to you.

Want to feel cherished by your butch?  Do you want her to romance you more often?  Dropping hints and catty backhanded remarks won’t do it (ex. Flowers would be nice once and while, not that you care).  Butches like to feel appreciated and we’re terrible at reading minds.  So the best way to get what you want is to be more direct.  For example, “Remember that time you surprised me flowers after I had a fight with my best friend?  That was so nice.  It made me feel loved and cherished by you.  I love when you do things like that!”  See, it’s subtle (which I know you ladies like!) and it’s encouraging.  When my wife says things like that, as a butch, I think, “Wow, I’m awesome.  I did something really great that also made her feel really great.  I should do that again!”   You may have to do this more than once (maybe even a bunch of times) but once she gets the hint, all you have to do is keep appreciating the things she does for you.  We thrive on positive reinforcement.

Lastly, I want to talk to you about space.  No, not “outer space,” we’re not going to the moon here, we’re talking about relationships.  Butches need space.  We need to be able to think through things.  We need to be able to unwind (especially after a busy day).  Sometimes we need to stare blankly at the wall, or the t.v. or our computer.  The more you try to invade that space, the more space we’ll need.  The best thing to do is to let her know that you would like her to spend time with you when she is ready to spend time with you.  Watch my videos about space here:  Video 1 and Video 2. When you respect her need for space and allow her time to re-focus back on you and your relationship, she will be able to give you more attention (because her mind won’t be wandering!) and be more present.

Great, now that you understand your butch woman better, go give her the love and appreciation she deserves.  You’ll both be glad you did!

What Successful Couples Do

 "5 Simple Things Successful Couples Do To Create Extraordinary Relationships that Last for Decades..."

Comments 8

  1. Post
    Author
  2. Jess

    Thank you Chrissy for putting into words what we could not do ourselves. My girlfriend (and I) have always wondered why I must do nothing when I come home from work or school. I am a Saggitarius so I am always doing something. This entire article makes sense to me. I suggest this to all the femmy women out there hoping to learn more about their butch.

    1. Post
      Author
      Christine

      Thanks Jess,

      I’m glad to hear that you found the article helpful. Stay tuned for more articles like this, including ones on how to understand and connect better with your feminine girlfriends!

      Christine

      1. Charm

        I never understood before, why my butch wife had to be alone when she got home from work. I figured the time alone in the car on the way home was the same, but it wasn’t. It’s too late for us now, we split up, but it’s good to be able to know where we went wrong, and your videos are SO helping me to learn better if love ever comes my way again. Thank u for your awesome videos, Christine

  3. Diana

    Hi Christine….les love Guru…..really love your new web site found from your you tube vids….I sent you a question today on one of your videos entitled when someone mistakes you for a Male….I need help with what words I can use when I address my new Butch partner…thank you

    1. Post
      Author
      Christine

      Hi Diana,

      Thanks for your question. Here’s my reply from the YouTube video:

      “Personally I don’t mind names like cutie and my gf often tells me I’m beautiful. When I was younger sometimes it would bother me (especially being called beautiful – I preferred being called handsome, hot, or cute). My gf calls me honey, sweetie, or…uh…Chrissy-bear (just don’t tell anyone!). You may want to ask her what she likes to be called. While you’re at it, ask her what bothers her about the other words you use. You may be surprised by what she says. I’ll also throw this question about to my facebook followers, stop over at my facebook page and “like” it to see what other people suggest!”

      Christine

    1. Post
      Author
      Christine

      Hi Caroline,

      What do you need advice on? You can either comment below with your specific questions and I’ll help you as best I can or you can send me an email at Christine @ LesbianLoveGuru.com You may always want to schedule a session with me (click the link above) to get specific, in depth help.

      Best, Christine

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *