Lesbian Married Couple

Are you talking your relationship to death?

Could you be talking your relationship to death?  “What?!?  But I thought communication is important for a strong relationship!”Lesbian Married Couple

Yes, you should absolutely strengthen your communication skills with your partner.  You should be able to talk about your needs, your wants, what’s upsetting you, and what you love about your life together.  You should be willing and able to talk about anything that you want and need to talk about.  You should also be willing and able to keep quiet too!

“When is too much talking bad for my relationship?”

What you don’t hear often from dating and relationship experts is how talking too much can actually hurt your relationship.  Lesbians in particular have a tendency to kill their relationships by talking it to death.  Here are a couple scenarios where talking too much is hurting your relationship:

Scenerio #1

You or your partner needs some space.  What happens here is one or both of you need some down time to process your thoughts or emotions.  This could happen after an intense day at work or a long holiday season or after an argument.  It could even happen for no particular reason at all.

Why talking would be bad…

If your partner needs space or down time it’s because they need to process emotions, relax, or reconnect with themselves.  If you deny them the guilt-free space to do this they’ll become resentful.

What to do instead…

Let them know you respect their needs and that you’re going to take some time for yourself too.  Go hang out with friends, watch a movie, or read a book.  Chances are you need a little time off too!

Scenerio #2

Your partner did something that is not the way you would do it.  Maybe she folded the towels in half instead of in thirds or she parked the car crooked, whatever it is, it’s something minor that bugs you.

Why talking would be bad…

Guess what?  You do things that bug her too.  You do things that bug your mom, your boss, and complete strangers.  Do you want to hear about it?  Nope.  Great relationships have been ruined by “nit-picking.”  It gets on her nerves and creates tension in your relationship.

What to do instead…

Bite your tongue!  Tell yourself, “It’s okay.  It’s not a big deal. Everyone has their own way of doing things.”  Take a deep breath and let it go.

Scenerio #3

Your partner comes home from a bad day at work and is upset.  She starts telling you about how awful her boss is and how much she hates her job.  She starts crying and says nothing is going right in her life.  She points out that you haven’t even cleaned up the living room.

Why talking would be bad…

Your partner is upset and needs to unload emotionally.  If you become defensive, try to fix her problems, or tell her it’s not a big deal you are invalidating her emotions.  Unconsciously you are telling her not to trust you with her problems.  Over time she will internalize the lack of trust which creates even bigger problems in your relationship.

What to do instead…

Sit down and listen to her.  Be her sympathetic ear.  Let her know that you empathize with her by saying things like, “It must have really frustrated you when he did that.”  Let her do most of the talking.  If she moves to other subjects (her mom, your cleaning habits) stay neutral and continue being sympathetic.  She may not mean the things she is saying but is so caught up in the feelings she is having that everything is upsetting her.  If you feel like you need to talk about or address something she brought up, wait until she’s no longer upset.

As you can see not talking about everything, all the time can be great for your relationship.  Taking time off and space apart allows you both to live a more balanced life.  By choosing to let minor irritations go you can be much more loving and accepting of your partner.  You can also create a deeper connection with each other simply by being her sympathetic listener when she needs you.  All of these skills are important if you want to create a truly extraordinary relationship.

What Successful Couples Do

 "5 Simple Things Successful Couples Do To Create Extraordinary Relationships that Last for Decades..."

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *