High Quality Quality Time

HQQT – the KEY to a Great Lesbian Relationship!

High Quality Quality Time

We’ve all heard the phrase ‘quality time’, and we all realize that it’s important to our romantic relationships.  But did you realize that many lesbian couples fail to focus on the actual quality in their ‘quality time’?

Today, we’re going to talk about how to create High Quality Quality Time.  I know, I know, right now you’re thinking, “I already have SO many demands on my time.  How am I supposed to fit in even MORE time with my significant other?”  The great thing about focusing on the QUALITY of the time you spend together is that it means you don’t necessarily have to set aside MORE time.  You’ll just be using your time together differently.

Another question you might be asking your computer monitor right now is, “Why does this really matter?”  Taking time each day to connect on a deep and meaningful level is what builds and maintains the foundation of a successful lesbian relationship.  Why does it matter?  Because you want to be with your special someone.  Because we all like to feel needed and important to the person we love.  Because you’ve decided to move forward in a romantic relationship which tells me you’d rather not be alone right now.  So listen up!

Step one in creating HQQT is to realize that quality time looks different to different people.  What makes one person feel deeply connected is not going to be the same for all people.  You need to find out what activities are most powerful for you and your significant other, and then DO THOSE THINGS!  Remember, knowledge is only powerful when you put action behind it.

Take some time to figure out which activities create the deepest sense of connection for you, then ask your partner to do the same.  As you do, write down the different activities.  Then take a moment to jot down how much time each one requires.  You’ll find that some can be accomplished in just a few minutes, while others will necessitate a larger chunk of time.  The next step, schedule it!

Now you’re thinking, “But romance is supposed to be spontaneous.”  To quote one of my wife’s favorite movies, My Cousin Vinnie, “A burp is spontaneous.  A burp is not romantic.”  Romance can just as easily come from anticipation as it can from spontaneity.  And you can still have your spur of the moment times; this just helps make sure that you are following through on you HQQT.  We all lead busy lives, and expecting connection to just fall in your lap whenever you need it is unrealistic.  So put on your big girl pants and get out your schedule.  You’ll be happy you did!

When it comes to scheduling, you’ll want to hit a couple of components.  First, you want to look for those “mini-connects” that you can do every day.  If your partner likes to get texts, set a reminder to send her a kissy face each day.  Or, you know, sext her.  I hear that’s all the rage these days.

Two Gay WomenIf you feel really connected through physical touch, take a few seconds throughout the day to hug your partner.  Studies show that hugs lasting 20 seconds release oxytocin, that wondrous feel good chemical in our brains.  Find 20 seconds a couple of times a day and get your hug fix!  Set a reminder in the morning and one in the evening, then get your hug on!

There are hundreds of little ways you can create high quality connection throughout the day, and this is where your list will come in handy.  Look at the actions that take 5-10 minutes or less.  These are activities that can be done daily.  Remember, find the ones that have the biggest impact and focus on those.  Any other mini-connects can be thrown in for variety.

Now, when you’re looking at your handy-dandy activity list, you will likely see that several of those activities take an hour or more.  These are things that you’re going to want to look at scheduling on a weekly basis.  If you have time to do these on a daily basis, great!  But if you have a tight schedule, you can really shoot for weekly.  You’ll also want to look at making some of these one-on-one activities so you can create some real focus and attention.

Some examples of weekly activities would be a date night, or even a staycation at a local hotel.  The point here is to find things that have a big impact, and that really amp up the quality of the time you are spending together.  Maybe that’s a hike for you, or a wine tour.  Whatever it is, make sure that you can give your partner your focused time.  And have fun!  High Quality Quality Time is about enjoying each other!

Also, just a quick note, there are some topics you should probably avoid talking about during this focused, quality time.  Those would be anything that causes you stress.  You’ve got other times when you can discuss the kids grades, your parents, your in-laws, your job, what the dog threw up on that week…really, try focusing on things that make you happy when you talk about them.

I wanted to make sure to set aside time to talk about one very important High Quality Quality Time, and that would be your intimate time. When you’re looking at scheduling in quality time, don’t forget about your fun times in betwixt the sheets.  Remember, anticipation can be just as fun as spontaneity, and nowhere is that more true than in the bedroom.  Scheduling also gives you the opportunity to let go of your daily worries and focus on the moment.  That focus and intent is what will make this a truly High Quality activity.

It’s important to remember here that intimacy can look different to your partner than it does to you.  It’s good to take some time to talk about what each of you considers sex.  And remember, intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to mean sex.  You can spend time touching one another without any further expectations.  And this can also be time that you set aside for sharing deep emotions.


Do you want to make the relationship work, but aren’t sure how to reignite the passion and fun you felt when everything was fresh and new?  If so, click the link below for my FREE 4-part video series that is designed to give you the skills and tools to have the relationship you really want.  Click HERE to get all 4 videos FREE!


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Comments 2

  1. Kelley

    What should I do when I feel as though my wife would rather spend time with her phone? For example, durimg dinner she is on her phone, typically on facebook, most of the time.

    1. Post

      Hey Kelley,

      Try to have a judgment-free talk with her about her phone use. Let her know how you feel using “I” statements. For example, “I feel like we’re not connecting when one of us is distracted at the dinner table. I feel upset when I try to talk to you and you’re on your phone because I feel like you’re not listening to me.” Once you’ve talked about your feelings ask her to take a specific action. It’s unrealistic and unfair to ask her to never have her phone out but you can ask her to put it away during dinner or during quality time together. While you’re talking to her, ask her why she’s on it so much. Maybe she’s bored or doesn’t feel like you’re being very present with her either.

      Discuss activities you could do to interact. Here are a few suggestions:

      29 Questions to Deepen Your Connection

      Do my online program “Renew the Connection, Rekindle the Romance” to get that romance and connection back into your relationship

      The most important thing you can do is start a conversation around creating more connection in your relationship. Clearly you’re feeling some rejection and frustration around her cell phone use which, I’m guessing, is creating some negativity in your relationship. Instead of letting that continue to build, try to find positive solutions.

      If you would like more help and support making these changes, you can sign up for a complimentary support session with me by visiting http://LoveLifeTransformation.com/Couples


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