Young Lesbian dating advice

Desperately Need Advice!

Occasionally I get emails asking for relationship and dating advice.  This one struck a chord with me and I wanted to share it.  Whether your in a lesbian relationship or not, my heart goes out to anyone who is struggling with disapproving family members.  This is a tough situation only made tougher by the fact that they’re in a long distant relationship.

Here’s our email exchange:


Subject: Desperately Need Advice!

Hello Christine,

I’m a huge fan of your videos and you give great advice. My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, and we both still live with our parents. My parents are very supportive of my sexuality, but hers are very strict and religious. They don’t support us being together, and it makes it very hard to see each other. We’ve had to sneak around before and I hated it. I’m extremely comfortable in my skin, and don’t like keeping secrets and lying. Unfortunately, her mom in particular does not approve and has gotten physical with my girlfriend over our relationship.

I know that some people will never approve, but I look to her parents as family and hate knowing that I’m causing any rifts between them.

Is there any advice you can give me on how to keep my relationship healthy when there are disapproving people involved? I love this girl and want her in my life, but it’s hard when it isn’t the distance that keeps us apart…it’s her parents.

Sincerely,
Amanda


RE: Desperately Need Advice!

Hi Amanda,

Thanks for reaching out and for your kind words about my videos!

I’m glad to hear that your family are supportive of you.  It must be really tough to see what your girlfriend is going through with hers.  I’ve been in the situation before when I was in college and still dependent on my family and I felt like I had to hide my sexuality.  Ultimately my parents were very supportive and I was lucky to have that experience.

I think as long as your girlfriend is living with her parents this is going to be a problem.  I would suggest emotionally supporting her as much as you can (as long as it is healthy for you) and encouraging her to move out as soon as she can.  Parents like this create really toxic environments for LGBTQ youth and that’s why we’re seeing so much substance abuse and suicide.  Everyday she
lives there is like drinking poison.  If she can’t move out right now, encourage her to get lots of outside support like LGBTQ friends and allies in her community and online so they can help counteract some of the negativity.

You should also make sure you have a lot of support too.  It can be emotionally draining to be in this situation.  Make sure you’re not taking on too much of the burden and jeopardizing your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

I hope this helps.  Best of luck to you both!

Sending you love,
Christine


RE: RE: Desperately Need Advice!

Christine,

Thank you so much for responding!

I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through something similar, but I am glad that your parents were supportive.  It gives me hope for my girlfriend.

I think you’re right about her needing to find a way out of that environment.  The way I see it, the only way to get the point across to her parents is for her to get out.

Thank you for your advice and well wishes, I truly appreciate every word.

Take care, and I can’t wait to see more videos!

Yours Truly,

Amanda


This email was printed with Amanda’s permission.  She believes, like I do, that others are struggling with the same issues and that hearing about her struggles would be helpful to them.

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