girls... holding hands

The 4 Keys to Conscious Love

Leah and I playing in the ocean in Galveston, TX

Leah and I playing in the ocean in Galveston

When I met my partner, Leah, we both were ready to co-create a new type of relationship together.  We wanted to be more authentic, present, and experience deeper levels of connection and fulfillment.  But neither of us knew exactly how to do it.

We went on a quest together to discover what “conscious love” looked like for us and how we could create a relationship based on it.  What we discovered are 4 keys to living and loving in a more meaningful way – responsibility, ownership, love, and evolution or R.O.L.E. for short.  If you’re in a relationship right now you can share these keys with your partner or if you’re single you can begin practicing these keys on your own and by doing so you will attract the love you truly want into your life.


To discover what “Conscious Love” means to you and how you can cultivate it in your life download my “21 Day Guided Journal for Awakening Conscious Love” free for a limited time –


Key #1 – Responsibility

You are responsible for making a shift in your life and in your relationship.  If you want to have a more meaningful relationship you have to step up and decide to make it happen.  You can’t just wait for someone else to start the process for you.

With this first step it’s important to take action to move forward.  Decide on an action (no matter how minor) and take it now to begin transforming your love life into something more meaningful and fulfilling.  Keep that momentum by taking another action and another.  Actions may be simple like saying, “I’m sorry” when you make a mistake or they could be a bigger commitment like taking a meditation class to help you control your anger.  Whatever your actions steps are, decide on one and get started!

Key #2 – Ownership

You need to own your emotions, triggers, patterns, beliefs, actions, and everything you say and do.  Once you can take total ownership you leave the role of the victim and become empowered to make changes.

In my life I have had an emotional pattern of becoming extremely angry at my partners for minor problems.  When I was angry I would find myself focusing on how my partner had wronged me and the changes they should make so I wouldn’t feel so angry.  I would feel victimized by their actions.

It was only through taking ownership over my anger that I was able to shift my emotional response.  It empowered me to talk more clearly with my partner and ask to have my needs met in a more loving way.  It also allowed me to see our conflicts from her perspective and own more of my role in our disagreements.  When I could do that we were able to actually solve our problems rather than just shove them aside only to argue about them again in the future.

You must be willing to take ownership for your own stuff – all the feelings, beliefs, triggers, and patterns – if you want to shift your relationship into a higher state of conscious love.

Key #3 – Love

Love is not just a feeling in your heart that makes you all warm and fuzzy when you gaze into your lover’s eyes.  It’s an action.  Love is something you cultivate, share, grow, and shape.  Love is in every kind word, every offer of forgiveness, every bowl of chicken soup brought to her when she’s sick, and every act of empathy, compassion, or respect.

The most successful couples, the ones that have an ever deepening well of love for each other didn’t just stumble into the perfect relationship.  They have learned the secret of loving each other through their actions and of growing that love year after year.  They don’t allow their love to wither away and die.  They know love is a living and breathing organism that needs nourishment to thrive.

Nourish the love in your life starting with the love in your own heart.  Feed it positive thoughts, share your love with those around you, and shape it into an unconditional love for others.  Bring this love into your relationship and make it safe for your partner to open her heart up to you too.

Key #4 – Evolution

All relationships grow and change over the years.  When you try to force your relationship to stay the same, it will grow stagnant or even become toxic.  It’s important to recognize the natural growth process of relationships and use this process to evolve your relationship into something even deeper and more meaningful.

Journeying into conscious love will cause your relationship to evolve in new and exciting ways.  For some this can feel scary, unfamiliar, or too vulnerable but it’s important to allow the process to unfold.  Do the work and trust that your relationship will continue to evolve to allow you both to experience deeper and deeper levels of conscious love.

Co-Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams

The R.O.L.E. model gives you the basic framework for creating a conscious relationship.  As you may have noticed, each key depends on you as an individual choosing to experience your relationship differently than you may have in the past.  If you are in a relationship right now, you both need to individually embrace all four keys and bring them into your relationship.  By doing this you can co-create the relationship of your dreams.

To discover what “Conscious Love” means to you and how you can cultivate it in your life download my “21 Day Guided Journal for Awakening Conscious Love” free for a limited time –

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